This reminds me of my wedding pictures...

from A Socialite's Life

When we got our wedding pictures, I remember looking through them and wondering how in the world my husband could look so perfect while I looked like I was trying to regurgitate a cat. This heartens me. Apparently, being good looking doesn't make you any more camera ready than the rest of us. Unless you're Gabriel Aubry... or The Honey.

P.S. My husband, he looks better than this man.

P.P.S. Click on link to see a bigger picture.

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Summer's Here

It's hot as hell. I find myself wondering if it has always been this hot here. I know it has, yet I wonder why I block it, like some dark secret from my past. Somehow, I find myself in the heat and I feel like I'm there more than I've ever been. I try to think back to times when I was actually doing things in this heat, swimming or tennis with humidity so high, every adult is on stroke watch. I remember those time, but I can't feel those times.

We had another couple visit us this weekend. I thought grilling out would be the easiest thing. A few hotdogs, brats, hamburgers, enjoying the lake, that would be awesome. Of course, it would have been more awesome if we had done it two months ago instead of this past Saturday. Not only was it extremely hot (I heard 99 degrees, but my stars it had to be hotter than that), I was out in the heat all day. The best part was the conflagration that was my grill. Add the heat of the day and I think I tanned a shade darker in 10 minutes, right when my charcoal briquets started to get that nice ash around them. Yet my first, big girl "all by myself" grilling experience went well. I want my own grill so that I can sit in the air conditioning while food is grilling, but enjoy the lake view if I want, because no matter what anyone says, sweat is sweat, whether we southern girls also "glisten" or not.

Long Time Coming

I love my new toenail polish. I notice my feet and I remember how much I like them. I like my feet. They have been the one thing about my body that I've consistently liked. It feels good to have something other than pink sparkle on my toes. I'm concentrating on my toes, looking at them so long, they almost become alien. Two friends of mine are having babies soon. One of them already has a two year old son, who is beautiful and smart. The other friend got married six months after I did. She's due in six months. I haven't felt this close and this far from grown up, ever. All of my friends are married. They're having kids and becoming entirely different people. Change has to happen, and it's interesting to see what is changing. One of my friends, J., said that I'd lost my edge. I didn't agree with him initially because I felt the same. It wasn't until later that I realized I had lost a bit of my edge simply because I didn't need it to protect me anymore. I'd finally met someone who was doing it all for me. I didn't ever realize I'd stop protecting myself, that I'd subconsciously given my husband permission to do so, and that I could let him do it without worrying that he wouldn't do a good job.

Marriage isn't the only thing that causes change. Time. Age. Sensibility. Even if you don't change as a result of new things in your own life, you are forced to change because of the people around you. My friends no longer had me all to themselves. My mom was no longer the strongest voice in my life. They had to adapt. So what's the biggest change you've had to make? What's the biggest change someone has made because of you? What was the biggest influence for change in your life?

When I look at my feet, I'm glad I still like them. My body is changing because I'm getting older, my metabolism is slowing down and my sedentary lifestyle and mediocre eating habits are getting the better of the rest of my body. I am trying to honor my body and live a good, long life (I still intend to enjoy it) by exercising and changing my diet. But my feet are still pretty. The green polish is radiant on my toes. They are pretty and I'm glad that hasn't changed.

Writers Write

Writing is such a big deal and I feel, everyday, as if I am falling flat on my face. Despite not having to work, I still feel like I don't have enough time to do all the things that I should be doing to be a successful writer. I don't read like I should, I watch more tv than anybody I know personally. Though I would like to write television shows, I hated living in California. So right now, the best I can hope for when it comes to television writing is a bunch of people who want so badly to write, direct and produce a television show that they are willing to do it for no pay with their own money. It is an expensive and time consuming endeavor. I would do it in a heartbeat.

The problem, mainly, is that I don't know which direction I want to go in. Writing articles is the way most writers go because it's instant gratification... well, instant as in you get paid per article, you don't necessarily have to have an agent, you can track down the work yourself, etc. Writing books requires an enormous investment of time, and may or may not be successful. It is harder to find an agent, a market, etc. Yet while finding a direction is a problem, my second problem is wanting to see the way RightNow. It is disconcerting to be in a place where the possible results of my work aren't even conceivable. I do not know where I am going. I have no idea what my goal is. When I worked at the milk and cookie shop, I knew that I wanted to manage it, so all of my thoughts, work, everything went to making that goal a reality. What is my new forward momentum now? What is my new direction?

I tell people I want to be a writer. They say, what do you write. I don't know where to begin. I dabble in short stories (I've been writing short stories since I was 13. Before that I wrote poetry.) and have a wonderful opportunity to work on article writing, but I let my writing muscles atrophy because I let myself believe what countless people told me growing up. Don't be a writer, be a teacher. I tried that route, but was not satisfied in it, although I love to teach and my ultimate goal involves teaching and writing. No, what was not satisfying was that I felt I should stifle my writing urges because I knew, otherwise, they would take over. It is not a pretty thing to give in to the voices in your head. I told my husband once that I would have stories going on in there all the time, characters talking, actions being acted out, for good or evil. I worked hard to stop it and one day the stories stopped. I regret that now.

I don't know how to turn it back on, to reach into the recesses for the people who lived there, whose lives were entertaining, where things happened so quickly I couldn't write it down. It was an ongoing story line. My dreams are even wimping out on me, not providing the fodder for writing they once did. As I look back through old notebooks of old stories, I cringe, but I long for the time when I wrote what I saw, good or bad, and was able to craft them into the stories that made my family believe in me even when there was no other evidence to support that belief.

So I will follow the mantra that many writers follow: Writers write. There is nothing else to do. There is no other course. And with the writing must come the patience to let myself develop from this ugly writing duckling into a beautiful author swan.

Obsessions

I have had various obsessions over the years. They usually involve some sort of cheese product (cheetos, chees-ums, cheese) or chocolate (peanut butter m&ms, regular m&ms, chocolate). I had a strange obsessions with Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds that was almost possessive. I would always have at least two boxes in the house. Anyway, the real reason you're here: My current obsessions.

Right now, I would really like a shiny new MacBook. I have been looking forward to this since before MacWorld in January. I've been wanting a new laptop and thought about getting an iBook. After they got rid of the eMacs and came out with the new iMacs, my husband realized they were probably going to upgrade the iBook, so I waited... and waited... and waited. I got up early on that Tuesday, waiting to hear Steve Jobs announce the new iBook. What he introduced was the MacBook Pro and while I would have loved to get one of those, I didn't need (nor could I afford) a professional strength laptop. No, I wanted the less expensive, consumer model. I was so disappointed. I'm not sure If I'd ever been so disappointed by electronics. Every whisper of an Apple Event made me long for the new iBook. Then, quietly, Apple slides the new iBook, all shiny and white (and black if you'd like) onto their website without any fanfare and again, I'm brought to tears, but the happy kind. So, we are going to a wedding this weekend and on the way back, we will stop at the Apple Store and I will get to tap my fingers across the very beautiful, simple keyboard and ask my silly, technewb questions and nerd out about the writing software I can get for it and maybe, if the sun is shining, I will get a new MacBook and if the sun isn't, then I will get it in a few months when it is much more reasonable. But obsessions aren't reasonable and I'm sorry, honey, for always talking about it.

So, your turn. And if you're scared that your obsession is closer to my cheese obsession than to my MacBook obsession, then here's my other obsession. Magic Shell. Especially Reese's Magic Shell. Even though there is no peanut butter in the recipe, nor does it warn against peanut allergies, so, scary. But it's so good and slightly addictive. As we all know. Now share. Thanks!

Last Meal

I have an affinity to Asian foods. The sauces, the noodles. I love Japanese foods, spicy Thai foods. I tried crab rangoon once and now my judgement of a restaurant rests on their crab rangoon. I adore Italian food. It is the ultimate in guilty pleasure. Pasta, cheese, cheese, meats, sauces. Italian food is my comfort food, food I nominated most likely to make me smile on a rainy night. Of course, there's nothing like hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill, traditional southern food, fried chicken, collard greens, mashed potatoes, sweet tea, sweet potato pie, barbecued pork...

I love food, from great to small. It would be hard for me to choose my last meal, the last meal I would ever have to taste, the last thing that I have in my memory, from my memories of the life I've lived. The last meal started as kind of a karmic/superstitious attempt by the law enforcement group to have a clear conscience in putting a criminal to death. It was a time of celebration because the prisoner's acceptance of the food said he forgave them for what they were about to do. It was the prisoner's last chance to be with family, to experience the life they threw away.

My choice of food would have alot to do with the life I've lived, starting from when I was little until now. Foods that I've eaten at important times of my life, foods that have garnered praise for me. For me, this will take alot of thought. What about you? What would you last meal be, or include?

Am I Crazy...

... or are the new Mac ads hilarious? After watching them all a couple of time, the virus one is the funniest.

Of course, Mac is following in a long line of commercials that feature the preferred product as the young, slightly tossled hipster and the competing product as a slightly more fuddy duddy character. Based on the commercial, it is hilarious how clueless PC makers and users are. The fact that these commercials will go much further than researching products in changing the minds of the public about Macs is good for Mac and sad for us.

Most people I know hate their PCs. They get tired of the crashing, the viruses, the constant ad-mail checks, etc. They want something that just works. Yet most of these people never consider Macs because they are more comfortable with windows. Let me tell you, it would take less time to learn the new OS X operating system and save you frustration in the long run than it would take using AVG to scan your computer for viruses.

So, Bravo, Mac. Your use of current trends to turn people to you will work. Hopefully, it will not change the way you make computers.

Jesus, Judas, Spring Festivals

I haven't read the Gospel of Judas, but I've read all about other people reading about it. They have some interesting hypotheses, one of which is that Jesus commissioned Judas to betray him. There's just one problem with that theory in my mind.

The hanging.

Now, I can understand where it all comes from. Nobody wants a bad guy in the story of Jesus. Judas was just doing what Jesus said, blah blah blah. But let me tell you something. I've often been the bearer of bad news for others who have maligned me because I believed that what needed to be said or done was encouraged by the Holy Spirit. Now, believe me or not, that's not the issue. This is not a debate as to whether God speaks now or not or how He speaks when He does. This is an issue of stance. If the God of the Universe tells me to do something, something I would write about, I damn well won't be hanging myself because you don't like it.

Now, the secret knowledge that Jesus gave to Judas. You mean the same secret knowledge He gave to all the disciples, or just the secret knowledge that Judas took to the grave. Was this secret knowledge not worth living for, worth sharing. You'd think someone who had Christ's secret knowledge would also have is mission. Or does it insinuate that Judas only mission was getting Jesus killed for the sake of all eternity and salvation.

Some people say that Jesus telling Judas to betray Him is not outside of what scripture already reveals, and I agree. But scripture also tells us that Judas fulfills scripture by buying the land and killing himself. I don't think killing remorse is a sign of special revelation.

Maybe I'm just crazy.

A church I know is having a Spring Festival for Easter. And that makes me laugh.

I love candy and I love routine. I like knowing that every year, there is something I'm doing. So that means, every Easter season, I'm on the look out for Whoppers Robin Eggs. If you've never had them, then you are truly missing out.

My mom used to always have whoppers in the house. You know, the chocolate covered malt balls in what looks like it could be a milk container, but all the wrong colours. They were special treats and if we were spry enough, we could sneak more than she'd give away. One year, when I was buying my own candy, I spied a bag of Whoppers Robin Eggs and thought to give them a try. They have been a tradition ever since, about ten years now. It's kind of an obsession, the way I keep and eye out for them whenever supermarkets start throwing up pastel on one aisle. It's way cheaper to get them at Walmart and sometimes you have to because Kroger runs out. But what I like to do is buy them when they're 50 cents on sale after Easter. I pick up two bags of them and I'm satisfied for at least two day after Easter. I'm addicted.

This year, I passed the addiction on. The Honey had never had them. 4 bags later, he's eating them like he came up with them and that makes me happy. But hey, I'm not the only one obsessed with Whopper Eggs. You can even buy them on Ebay. However, I don't buy them later than the day after Easter, because otherwise, why else would I look forward to Easter?

SuperBusy

That's what I think my new superhero name should be.

I'm driving myself crazy with busy-ness and sometimes I feel like I will shut down at any second. I don't have the will to stop doing all the things I am doing.

I've been working out. Although I feel good about my body, it is killing me. When I started, when I felt less stressed, I would come away from a workout feeling re-energized. But now, I am just more exhausted. At least I get so tired that I go to sleep alot earlier than usual. I'm hoping that after May, I will be out of that cycle.

I'm keeping some of my writing goals that I make daily. I'm teaching myself to write the things I want to write, I'm working on my television scripts. I actually sat down and went through the paper for story ideas. I think I'm going to subscribe to the Sunday New York Times. I got alot of ideas from a couple of weeks ago. The AJC is good too, but not as diverse. It could be better though. I still don't have a specific time I sit and write, nor the discipline that I need for doing the type of writing I want to do. I'll get it though.

We are moving. Our new apartment is being worked on now and we will move in completely by May 1, but they are trying to get it ready by mid April. So, I will have to start using my free time (ha!) to start packing/throwing things away. I have alot of books. And clothes. And junk. I feel sorry for me.

I don't know what I'm doing...

... but I've had to delete several posts because when I bring my page up in Firefox, it is not lined up correctly. Has anyone noticed this over the last few weeks?

It's starting to make me mad. I'm not even sure what is happening, but certain posts have something in them that is making them unreadable on my site. I wish I knew.

Signs of Life

Do you ever feel like you're so busy that every time you think of one thing you want to do, you can think of at least six things you should be doing instead? Do you ever feel like you've spent the life delegating the bulk of your responsibility to yourself to the backburner and take care of everyone else first... that you do it so much you begin to think that taking care of everyone else IS the bulk of your responsibility?

When do you say enough is enough? When do you start doing the 1 thing you want to do for yourself? Soon enough I say. But it's never as soon as I would like.

Life is good, for those who are wondering. I am not sure if the video that we were shooting is as good as we'd like or if it is something we'd like to continue. That makes me sad. I wish we'd kept all the people who were helping, but we weren't able to. The good thing is knowing what you really, actually need when trying to shoot a sitcom. Maybe I'll be able to get something done later, but for now, it looks like a lost cause.

Writing is going well. I've started interning for a local entertainment newspaper (unpaid of course) and I will have a few things in it, even if it is just the calendar.

I'm working out... which means I actually get sleepy at night, so I'm not so insomniac... yet it is 5am and I have yet to go to bed, though I've been yawning since 7:30.

I woke up lucid for my Wednesday morning Bible Study. There's hope for God yet.

I am so in love with my husband, it makes the pragmatic non-romantic in me sick. And I don't care.

Well, that's the quick update. Keep reading my sidebar...

What up with my site?

If anyone else sees something wrong with my website, please let me know. Right now, it looks like an idiot.

Update: One post was throwing the entire site off. If you left a comment, please know that I didn't delete it on purpose. Comment away everyone!

Skinny, Lovable Nerd

"Don was a small man... but everything else about him was large: his mind, his expressions," Griffith told The Associated Press on Saturday. "Don was special. There's nobody like him. I loved him very much," Griffith added. "We had a long and wonderful life together."

When I was about 12 years old, we started watching television. My parents had always had a television and there was a broken television in our room where we put all the blankets. I'm not sure why it was broken or why we still had it.

If we wanted to watch television previous to my 12th birthday, we had to sneak into our parents bedroom, turn the television on at low volume and slink down below the edge of the bed. Our parents were incredibly hard sleepers. We only did this on Saturdays because it was the only day worth getting a whipping over being caught watching tv.

When I was 12, we moved into a new house, with enough room for the girls to have their own room, the boys to have their own and our parents had theirs. We had a real, ho nest to goodness living room, a really big kitchen and a dining area. And a brand new television.

My parents put the television in the girls room, the room closest to theirs so they could break up any "it's my turn" television bickering. For the most part, we got along. No one wanted to stop watching Saturday morning cartoons, music videos, or wrestling.

One day, I turned the television on and I see Don Knotts dressed as a gun slinger, though a nerdy one at that. A woman shoots a gun and everyone thinks Don did it. I watch the movie and laugh my way through it. He sure did look funny in The Shakiest Gun In The West. Then I watched The Incredible Mr. Limpet and The Ghost and Mr. Chicken. I'm pretty sure I watched all of these movies in one sitting. I loved them. I started watching the Andy Griffith Show and fell in love with the characters, the stories, the sense of humour, the theme song.

Some people say The Andy Griffith Show wasn't complete once Don Knotts left it in 1965. I can believe it. I've only seen the episodes he's in. I loved the nervous way he was, the facial expressions, his erratic movements. It was all a part of his comedy. And when I was older and moved to Matlock (watching this, more than turning 30, shows my age) I was glad, in the later seasons, to see Don Knotts and Andy Griffith together again.

Don Knotts has been around for a while, making us laugh with his various antics, and that has not lessened as he's aged. I have seen brief glimpses from his time in the Steve Allen era of the tonight show and he was funny. He's always been funny. Funnier than most people have the right to be, funny without saying a word. Even in his later work, he made his age work for him. His death does not take his comedy away, but for a little while, the enjoyment will be less.

Of course, I haven't forgotten Mr. Furley. The eyes, the suits, the naivete. RIP Don Knotts.

Lost

I've been interested in Lost since the first season, but I never got a chance to watch it, since I work nights and don't have Tivo or a DVR.

I'm a loser.

Anyway, fortunately for me, Lost released the first season on DVD shortly before the second season started. I came home from work and for 4 days all I watch is Lost Season 1. It was pretty darned good, so when the 2nd season started, I was waiting expectantly. My husband, however, was not. He watched the first three episodes and thought the show was awful. Then, somehow, he convinced himself to watch the first season. He did and it changed his life.

Every Thursday is Lost day... not because it comes on Thursday, but because iTunes Music Store sells the episodes so that we never have to miss a show again. Yes, we are a day later than everyone else in the world who watches it on Wednesday, but we get to see it relatively soon, versus getting it on video. I have the entire first season and all the current episodes on my iPod now. I have been listening to Lost podcasts to get into all the theories, because I have my own theories.

What I hate is I never see the clues that everyone else sees. It's slightly irritating. But only slightly. Because now I can just go back and watch the episode. It's exhilirating. But what I hate about it is that I have to wait once I'm done with the current episode. The one thing I like about being able to buy whole seasons on iTunes Music Store (iTMS) is that I can watch it at my leisure. I wish I had the patience to wait until the season was done. I could watch it all at once and when an episode begs me to wait impatiently for the next show, I would like to be able to click the "next" arrow and see it. That's what I did with Arrested Development... well, not for my iPod, just for my computer.

Speaking of Arrested Development, did anyone see the season finale? It was soooo funny. I hope they continue the show in some form. It would be really interesting if they did an online show. It would be interesting if they did a show on cable television... I wonder if iTMS would get the show. If it would, I would be spending hard earned money downloading it. I love technology.

Ah well, I had something much more intelligent to say about Arrested Development. No, I didn't. But I'd like to think I did.

1 year 6 months with him

Yes, God loves me, this I know. But when it comes to Valentine's Day, me and God have never seen eye to eye. While God supports love, I'm ever derisive of the flowers that cost too much and the candy that is in heart shaped boxes and the red and pink aisles that magically appear after Christmas/New Year's Day (which is one holiday now).

I used to have Anti-Valentine's Day parties, where I would cook all day to make sure that there was too much garlic in my famous artichoke-spinach dip (and plenty of cheese - I am still me after all) and cookies that had discouraging love messages and we would watch movies that showed you what love could be about. Like What Lies Beneath.

Then, last year, I realized something really important. My half year wedding celebration occurred 6 months after my Aug. 14 wedding. On Feb. 14. On Valentine's Day. I know God got a good laugh out of this. I wonder if he's been planning it since the foundation of the world, which would be funny, and almost as rewarding as when He planned my salvation. Almost. I kinda had to give God credit, cause he got me then. I now have to celebrate V-Day to some extent. The head baker remembers my half year celebration because of my immense hatred of Valentine's Day. My husband still laughs at me because I don't want flowers for that day. But he was sweet. He gave me an iPod with video as a gift. I wanted one. I've been begging for one. We sold my mini to get me one. And now I have it. It was the best Valentine's Day gift I've ever gotten. But I got it the Sunday before V-Day. Which made me especially happy.

At 3am after V-Day had slowly died it's death and it was the 15th, my husband pulled me close to him and asked me if it was really okay that he didn't get me anything for V-Day. I said, of course. I don't need no stinkin' roses to let me know you love me. He smiled as only a guy who had been let off the hook by the woman he most loved in the world would. Now, don't be fooled. I'm high maintenance. I want to go on a cruise for our 2 year anniversary. I just don't need anything for V-Day.

But I really love my iPod.

Driving

I believe that you have the right to drive any speed that you wish. If the street is a 45mph zone, you can drive 25 mph if you want to. But they have a lane for you. It's called the slow lane. Get outta my way!

Walking Around Barnes and Noble

I was walking around Barnes and Noble earlier today and I saw a guy who looked pregnant walking around too. I was trying to figure out what he was wearing and a thought came to me.

If you're walking around wearing something whose only description is a "greatcoat", you are a nerd.

Then I thought:
If you know what a "greatcoat" is, you are a nerd.

*sigh*

Young Chuck Norris

I know this has been going around the internet for a while, but since WE watch it every morning for our daily laugh, I thought you should watch it this morning.

Well, even though its 2:47pm, it is morning to us. Enjoy Young Chuck Norris

Thus ends the saga

Not of Brewed, but of the struggle for Brewed. We were watching the raw, unedited footage and it is funny. We will be filming next weekend and could definitely use some extras! We need ninjas. And a big guy in a trenchcoat. And a glowstick ninja. It is definitely a silly show, but we are having fun.

Well, we are having fun now that we know that what we did today was good. Not excellent. It's not going to win us any awards, but it is good. I can't wait to finish it.

In other news, I'm looking at starting a part time writing business, so I'm learning how to make a business plan for a home based writing business, studying more writing so that I can eventually sell to magazines. I'm trying to come up with ideas for the local magazines and indie newspapers so that I can develop a clips portfolio. I'm trying to narrow down my fields of expertise... coffee and abstinence education... I've worked with coffee for 5 years and I taught abstinence education for 4 years. I'm also going to look into creative writing contests and developing my own book of short stories.

I'm still working on my lowly sock, but I can't show them to you because my camera hates me. Again. I have to get a better one and that will be a while. I can't wait to get one though because I have an idea for a picture blogsite and I can't wait to do it. I have a capelet design that I should have started on two months ago, but very beautiful grey and wine, soft wool yarn are stashed in my closet, waiting for me to care for them. The capelet design is a bit more complicated than I am used to, but hopefully, I will get some new yarn soon *hint hint*

Ah well, all's well that ends well. Our own commenter, Kevin, was there and did and excellent job as a pissed off customer. I can't wait to write the show where he comes back and gives as good as he got!

Bim and Daniel returned and did an excellent job. You'll get your chance for revenge Bim! We looked at the footage and your scenes were awesome. We should be able to use them just fine, no worries. We missed Aubrey and April, but we understand when life takes you towards your goals. I hope you guys enjoyed your day! I'm so happy to have this week behind me. It could have been an ulcer inspiring week. But it is over and the sense of accomplishment I feel for my first directing and writing job is... awesome.

Anyway, it's beddy bye time. Goodnight all.