I Do My Own Stunts

I am a dangerous person. The biggest danger is that I can come from nowhere and wreck anything. Literally.

I come by my clumsiness naturally. That is to say, I wasn't graceful once. I've always been clumsy. And I inspire others. My dad dropped me when I was just a wee babe. He of the not dropping much of anything. My dad could walk with planks of wood without hurting himself or others. He could carry many building things in his hands and walk drop free. Me, on the other hand, the most precious of his acquired things, he dropped without even realizing that such a thing could happen. I'm sure he was shocked, and I'm sure my mom kept me far from him for a few months at least.. I credit Velcro Hands, that technology only mothers have, with not dropping me. However, if my hunch is right, and it normally is, she dropped me. It's just that noone ever saw her do it. It's a secret she will take to her grave.

Growing up didn't bring much success. I was coltish, with long awkward legs and arms, my elbows and knees huge knobs on my skinny frame. My head was over big, as if I were trying to retain the "big headed baby" cuteness from my infancy. It wasn't working. I was an awkward child and looked it. I could reach, but I wasn't allowed to carry. Papers would inevitably fall from my hands, outside on windy days. Balls would bounce from my grasp into busy streets. Erasers would slam, with a fuss and a cloud, to the ground if I but looked at them. And heaven forbid if it was my turn to wash the board. Floods of epic proportions my friends. Floods of epic proportions.

Believe me, it didn't get better. I guess my body did grow to fit my head... or, grow closer to the size my head was going for, but my look of awkward destruction did not leave. By this point, I am tripping myself and other people, dropping trays in the lunchroom, somehow getting food fights started. Once, a teacher was hit with blue mashed potatoes, potatoes I had dared someone to dye blue with their ink pen. It wasn't pretty.

Even now, as an adult, I trip over nothings on the floor. I hardly bother to look anymore. I am wary of high, narrow stairs and I've fallen up stairs at least twice. As we speak, my husband is waiting to hear the horrific news that I've somehow managed to stab myself with my knitting needles. It has become a part of me and I know, every now and then, my husband shakes his head at the true knowledge that, in a few years, he may have two more stuntmasters to worry about.

The Lords of Narnia by Darth Angel (spoilers always possible)

I sat next to a Clone. Darth Vader was a girl. And somehow, normal looking people were there too. Yes, Episode III was more than I expected and less. Let's start with the more.

I felt like I was already watching the 3-D version with the first scene. In some parts, I felt like I was in the movie, especially during Obi Wan's fight scene with Grievous. Padme's outfits were just smashing, although, as a girl, I couldn't see how she slept in the nightgown with the pearls. Hayden Christenssen didn't bother me as much as he did in episode II and I even looked forward to scenes with him, watching the devolution of a Jedi. I liked seeing R2 having a bigger role and the laughs were good laughs. All of them were in the right places for releasing tension. The "moral" questions of the Force were right on, bringing about the clarity and clouding that comes when truths are mixed with untruths.

Now, the less. Darth Sidious. Chancellor Palpatine as a character, was a good character. He was a great embodiment of evil. He had a civil facade, doing an awesome job of playing good, but he had just the right amount of menace to make you edgy about him. Darth Sidious, with his many, many (sigh), many over-enunciations was not a great embodiment of evil. He did evil things. He made people bad, but he wasn't as scary as Palpatine. Darth Sidious literally destroyed the ending of the movie for me.

The best thing about watching Star Wars was definitely the standing in line part. Seeing the costumes, talking to the geeks and the wanna-bes (of which I am one), making new friends, scaring off the ones trying to flirt, helping your friends get in line with you then watching them get sent back, seeing the line wrap twice around the building... those are the things that make the show. And on top of that, the Chronicles of Narnia trailer. Did you see Aslan??? All desire to see any other movies pale in comparison to wanting to see this one. I'm more excited than I thought I would be even though it looked like Lord of the Rings was filming at the same time. And now, I must leave you, with many questions unanswered. Except my computer doesn't hate me anymore.

Don't hate me.

Cornfields don't have good reputations. When you think about them, you get images of crop circles, aliens, ghosts, or children (of the corn). The thought of walking through a cornfield doesn't inspire romantic thoughts. Instead you remember when Mel Gibson was looking for the sounds in the cornfield and saw an alien's foot. What cornfields need is the same marketing that sunflower fields get. Walking through a field of giant sunflowers is romantic. It inspires images of Italy, freshness as opposed to cornfield's images of farmers and flat, desolate places. If you get a bouquet of flowers and a giant sunflower is in it, you want to keep it forever. If you get a bouquet with a cornstalk in it, you may consider that your significant other is either insane or suggesting you should get to cooking. Many people like creamed corn, and eating sunflowers isn't the norm, but consider the popularity of sunflower seeds with its salty goodness and consider popped kernels of corn, whose disposition is to get stuck between your teeth. In the corn/sunflower war, corn always loses. And that's really sad.

P.S. Sorry I've been away, but you would too if your computer hated you.