I Have A Lot To Say

I just don't know why I can't write it.

It should be easy.

Maybe tomorrow, words will come.

Well, lots of words are coming, I just don't know how to put them together in the best way for this medium.

I want to be funny, but all I ever am is the Straight (wo)man. I want to write about the funny things, but really, all that comes out is... what is about to follow in the next couple of days. It's like I have some sort of writing plague and instead of funny, drama comes out. Drama comes leaping out of my mouth like slimy frogs.

Slimy, ugly frogs.

Oh, believe me, I know some people are going through drama. I almost have to invent my drama... almost. Believe me, it's real, it's just almost completely unnecessary for you to see me through it. But you will.

Because I need the switch to come on. That elusive switch that just isn't appearing for me now. I long for that click, my shoulders on edge hoping that with each letter my fingers strike, with each realization and revelation, I will reach the switch nirvana and it will be flicked and that audible click will be so refreshing that I will be forced to describe that click in great detail.

You know you want me to.

So, hold on to your hats 5 internet readers, you faithful dears who have loved me and stood by me even if I was a crappy friend or even if you don't know me and still hand around in hopes that the Honey will finally start his blog up again (I think he might) or even if you had to because I told you I posted and waited as you checked your feeds on your phone to read every word I writ (not a typo, but prolly should be considered one). The ride is getting bumpy, the reads are getting longer, and the road is getting swervier. And maybe my thoughts will come back on me full circle. Maybe not. But for the first time... like EVER... I won't mind being wrong, because it really is all about the journey.

Worrying About Your Beard When You're About To Lose Your Head

So I'm finally watching The Seven Samurai. Oh my WORD the translation is awful, but the acting and the story is so... brilliant. Man, I love movies about honor. Most war movies have the distinction of being about honor, but I'm not the biggest fan of war movies, or so I tell myself. But as I watch this movie, its slow progression towards a bigger fight looming, I realize that there are a lot of war movies in my repertoire that I would watch again.

I don't like war movies. Movies and television provide escape. In those fantasy world, the characters that are compelling shouldn't die, but in war movies, they do. They always do.

Man, old movies kick new movies asses!

It is my nature and maybe I'm coming to see that it is the nature of many others, to worry about the little things in the face of something big. I guess we don't know what else to do when we feel so helpless. I'm not a "big picture" thinker. I think about right now. I think about the line I just wrote, I think about the thought in my head. I think about what I need to do tomorrow, but I don't see it all in one fell swoop, just waiting to be done so that I can orchestrate my actions. I hope it all works out in the end, that the sentences come together, that the work gets done, that I express myself to others in the right way. It's beyond me how to change that part of me. It's something I want to work on. I want to see it all and then orchestrate. I don't want to pick at the pieces anymore. I want to see the sculpture in the rock and chisel away the unnecessary parts.

I want to stop using metaphor, but I'm not just talking about one thing. I'm talking about an entire way of being. It's enough to give me a headache.

In other news, I am doing well as bassist and singer in the imaginary world of Rock Band, where "Angel", as I call myself, is taking the world by storm. I'm somewhere in Russia right now singing songs I didn't even know existed and trying to get more than 3 stars every time. I will hate to move to the hard level. And as much as I hate shopping, I love dressing my Rock Band character. Every time I win a new item for my wardrobe, I get just that much more excited about the game. Next, I'll create a character on the drums. Yes, I will have my own band soon. And I will ROCK!

I Hope Jack Bauer Doesn't Blow Up the Internet

I wish exciting things happened to me. The most exciting thing that's happened to me is being anxious that I didn't make enough snacks for Cookie, Coffee, and Conversation time after church this past Sunday. Weren't we all relieved to find out I did. Make enough. Snacks.

Or the time Oprah came to town and stayed on the street I live on and how I couldn't drive and all the people driving by kept asking me (because I had to walk since cars kept blocking the street in front of the residence where Oprah stayed) if "SHE" was still here.

I think I always wanted to live a Jack Bauer life, but without the terrorists, nuclear explosions or Kim Raver.

For some reason, I've always wanted to have powers of some sort. When I was little, I thought I was a vampire. I have two pointy teeth at just the right points for those nifty vampire bites. I can say, "I want to bite your neck and suck your blood" in a better vampire voice than Bela Lugosi. My eyes hurt when I come in contact with direct sunlight... I mean, what else would you assume?

Of course, I turned 7 and I realized that it was possible vampires didn't exist. I mean, I wasn't fighting them off or anything, so I went on with my existence of hoping to become Bo Duke (I hadn't figured out I was supposed to be attracted to him yet) but my brothers and cousins kept making me be Daisy and I didn't want to play no girl! I wanted to be Bo. Not Luke, Bo!

I was kind of obstinate.

When I got a little older, I realized that I could play the girl parts in our games of fantasy. I wanted to be Wonder Woman or Storm although it was still well within my rights to be Spider Man or (with a good enough fight) Batman. If I couldn't have an actual science experiment gone wrong super power, then I wanted to at least be as inventive as Batman.

Of course, when we were kids, we wanted our powers for such lofty goals as saving the world. Today, I would settle for being able to ram into the car that just cut me off without getting hurt or set things on fire with my mind (a la Stephen King's Firestarter) when I get angry. My ideals are not gone, just on hiatus as I deal with everyday life.

Maybe that's why I like fantasy and sci-fi shows. I like seeing the difference between the youthful exuberance of getting abilities and realizing you could save the entire world (Hiro on Heroes) and the kind of hard bitten edge that you get when you realize people aren't as good as you wish they were (Adam Monroe on Heroes). I like remembering that within myself and I like how, every now and then, I still wish I could save the world.

So, I might not have that magical, save the world 3 times in one day, kind of Jack Bauer life, but I think that for me, as Farmer Hoggett says, "that'll do, pig. That'll do." (This really plays more into my fascination with pigs and especially talking pig movies, but that's a later post.)

edit: I couldn't let this pass. Thanks to speakeasyx for the link.


moar funny pictures

I Need To Make Friends...

There are a lot of good things about being married.

A. Lot.

But one of the bad things is that no one wants to hang out with you. Well, let me correct that. No one knows they can hang out with me. Oh, I am still pretty tied to my husband. I still do a lot with him and we definitely love our alone time. But there are times when I want to be out with others.

I don't have any female friends that I really hang out with. I went to Alabama to hang out with a friend who goes to Auburn and her best friend and we had a really great time. I was glad to visit her, glad to get home, but it made me discover something. I don't have anyone to hang out with here.

With The Honey's work schedule, I have a lot of time to myself. Time to go out. Time to have some fun. Time to do something other than sit at home.

Do you know what I do instead of hanging out? Work late.

Work late, people!!!

That should not be. I should be "out there". I'm relatively young. I probably could stand to lose a few pounds, although I would rather just eat the chocolate cake. Okay, so an oldish, slightly overweight woman wants to go out for a night on the town.

Riiiiiight. Actually, I just want to hang out with a bunch of people who talk about television, books, things going on in the world, conversation that spurs me on to read, to write, and to learn to communicate better. I've been in a fog of conversation, each one as if it were life or death almost. I want to get to a point where I am conversing for fun, laughing and joking.

I feel like I should want to hang out with a gaggle of women. I don't know why I would, but I feel like I should. I have been out with a group of girls before, what feels like a really long time ago. I had female friends once. We went camping together, we talked together and had actual sleep overs. We didn't talk about the intricacies of our wedding days (although, in hindsight for me, we probably should have). We didn't talk about boys (okay, so we did... GOD! I was a girl!). We planned Anti-Valentine's Day parties.

"We" no longer exist.

If I am not with my husband, I am alone. It's a bit daunting, especially when I'm not used to it. Oh, I am typical in that I like being alone. That is the best time for writing, after all. So I'm going to hang out. I'm going to accept invitations I might have turned down. I'm going to try to get in touch with those people I care about and hopefully we can get together.

If You Know Me

The first thing you need to do is stop by the coffee shop, pick up the food and culture magazine and read two articles by yours truly... three if you count my monthly coffee column.

Just do it!

So, I am doing Nanowrimo. I have written a lot of words. And yet I am so far from my word count, it is ridiculous. Okay, I'm just complaining now and slightly procrastinating, but I will get to 50,000 words by the end of the month if it kills me.

The loaded baked potato flavoured Pringles are just okay.

I can eat two bite brownies in one bite.

I get more excited than I should when the clock says things like 11:11 or 12:34 or 5:43.

I'm bad at video games because I don't have the patience to get better.

I wish my hair was longer than it is.

I didn't vote today because I haven't changed my address. And for that, I am sorry.

I finally found the nails and the hammer and I still haven't put up our paintings, clocks and photos.

Okay, just a random post to keep you busy until I have something good to write... or until tomorrow.