I teach abstinence education, which is hard, not only because the kids I talk to don't really believe in it, but most of the adults don't either. The adults usually give me this look, like I'm too idealistic. They tell me that kids can't/won't control themselves, so it is our responsibility to teach them how to be safer. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one being realistic. I look at the things that are happening to people who start on this path and it makes me sad that other people aren't themselves educated. And if they do know the risks, it makes me sad that it's more than education that people need to protect themselves.
I always feel this white hot ball of anger rise up when people tell me that youth can't choose to be abstinent. I know that in the neighborhoods where I teach/speak, kids choosing abstinence is on the low side. People talk about education being the way out of the rise in STDs and teen pregnancy, yet the same people are continually recreating dangerous behaviour. They need more than education. They need role models. They need someone who will show them that its possible to go another route.
But it's more than a "someone shows up in your neighborhood" kind of thing. It's something that involves everyone. From artists who have a much larger influence on the population than they could imagine to the speakers who spend an hour of their lives once with 500 people, there needs to be some sort of recognition of the state of youth, why they believe they are safe and what happens once they realize they're not.
All of that to say that whenever I teach teenagers I have a hell of a time getting through to them and when I do, it's so rewarding. I had to teach a group of teens the other day, only the boys this time and I dreaded it. When tall the kids are together, they cannot be handled with kid gloves. Sometimes voice raising comes in handy. Well, this time, it's me in the room with a bunch of boys who are more than happy to talk about sex. I easily have their attention as I ask questions and they give the correct answer, although we venture into other areas, because the program I work with focuses on the things you want to do instead of sex. I'm not talking about taking a cold shower, I'm talking about the future goals you have so that sex is the last thought on your mind because you want to get your degree or a house or just your own car before you have to think about providing for a baby. We also teach those "safety" measure that somehow always find at least one chance to fail because they are not 100% effective; yes, they hear about them. We don't discriminate. We want to reduce and/or stop the ravages of disease. ARrrrrgh... digression.
Anyway, we get off topic and start talking about video games. One kid says, "Mrs. This Girl, you don' t look like the type to play video games." I'm not. He is absolutely correct. They all laughed when I described myself as a nerd. They didn't believe it because now i'm a babe, but I told them about my problems with the Sunshine world on Gamecube and this digression must have been God sent because they opened up to me in a way I'd never had a group of teen guys do. Now, I realize that without girls to try to impress, I got them alot more down to earth than they would ever be with girls present, but it was nice and refreshing. And when, at the end of the class, one of the guys was talking to me and *listening* to what I was saying, his face earnest, I felt more rewarded than I'd ever felt in this job.
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"I teach abstinence education, which is hard..."
SOUSE!!!!!
Your are Nice. And so is your site! Maybe you need some more pictures. Will return in the near future.
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I remember talking to you back in your single days. I had a hard time thinking about abstinence.....wait, no, that's not the right approach here...
Got it made
Got it made
Got it made
I'm hot for teacher
...ahh, no, not that either...
That teacher's a babe
-She's a robo-babe
In Latin she'd be called babia majora
-If she were a president, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln
She's a fox. In French she would be called La Renard and be hunted with only her cunning to protect her
...no, not that riff either...
It's great that you're getting through to them. Perhaps having a good looking teacher will be a plus. If they can think abstinence with you, it should be that much easier when they're confronted with girls they actually have a chance at. Some of them won't hold out, of course, but you can only do the best you can do.
I hope you won't be mad at me if I suggest that when people tell you kids can't/won't control themselves, most of them mean "not all of the kids." They do not mean that every single kid will have sex no matter what you do. In other words, they are just saying the same thing Kevin does in that last sentence. Kevin is right, and that's why people sometimes question what you do. Abstinence education is a wonderful thing, but the people who think that it has to mean no comdoms in schools are, in my opinion, not doing a wonderful job.
I'm sure This Girl* knows that not every kid she teaches will follow through. That's the nature of teenagers. We also teach kids not to smoke or drink, but some still do it. However, we don't stock schools with light beer and low-tar cigarettes just to keep those kids a little bit safer. Doing so would be giving tacit approval to their decision to do the wrong thing. Condoms are the same way. Giving them out to students is saying we approve of what they're going to do with them.
* When referring to her in the third person, I wonder if I should call her That Girl. It seems awkward. Besides, she looks nothing like Marlo Thomas.
I'm going to be the only person reading this who gets that joke. Ghod, I really am old...
Point taken, but comparing condoms to light beer or low tar cigarettes is absurd. The only fair comparison would be fair would be some sort of beverage that tastes just like beer, intoxicates exactly like beer, but does minimal harm to the liver and does not impair your ability to operate a vehicle. Hey, that would be a good drink!
Also,
Giving them out to students is saying we approve of what they're going to do with them.
Statements like this are just as unhelpful as "kids won't wait." Making your child wear a bike helmet doesn't mean you're encouraging him to fall off his bike.
Making your child wear a bike helmet doesn't mean you're encouraging him to fall off his bike.
No, it means you're encouraging him to ride it. If you didn't want your child riding a bike, you wouldn't give him a helmet.
I don't know about you, but I wouldn't give him a bike.
I agree it's a bad example, but you picked it.
This site is one of the best I have ever seen, wish I had one like this.
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A bad analogy, perhaps...but let me clarify. My point is that the kids already have the bike and we can't take it away. But we can do two wonderful things. We can educate them on where and when it's best to ride it, and why they shouldn't do so yet. And we can also recognize that not all of them will wait, and make helmets available in the hopes of saving a few lives. Doing both seems the wisest and most loving thing we can do; what I don't understand is why nearly everyone seems to think it has to be only one or the other.
It has to be one or the other because doing both sends a mixed message. We're telling them it's not OK to do something and at the same time telling them it is OK to do it provided they take certain precautions.
Wow! That was awesome guys!
My stance. Everyone can wait. Not everyone will wait. Educating each child on the risks involved is the safest way to teach them about sex. The way we start our classes is by asking kids if they want to have the Best Sex. They all agree to that. We follow it up with the one, two punch of a Time article that says married people are having the best sex (statistically) and then we talk about STDs, condoms, birth control pills, the physical, emotional, intellectual, social and spiritual (not just Christian) consequences of having sex. I don't think condoms are the safest things because the fastest growing stds are not stopped by condoms. They do a hell of a job of protecting against pregnancy and aids 98% and 86% respectively (vs. nothing) but that's it. We don't endorse or encourage condoms, but we educate and that's all anyone can do if they really want anyone to logically and thoughtfully choose abstinence. The number of people becoming infected with STDs is growing astronomically. condoms are not a fix or a cure. It would be wrong to endorse it. If they want a condom, let them go into a store and buy it themselves. At least then they are thinking responsibly on their own and can trace their decision to have sex to themselves and no other source... if I were to hand out condoms, they will only trace it back to me.
Keep being faithful in what God as called you to do. If you can reach one, that is a blessing. By the way, how can I get a copy of the 11th Hour in Birmingham? We are very proud of you. YAY!!!
Thanks for finally chiming in, this girl. I do respect your opinion. I guess in my view, sending a mixed message is worth 98% less abortions and 86% less kids getting AIDS. And by the way, some studies now have that number as high as 95%.
It isn't really a mixed message, of course. The only one we're really sending is that sex is OK if you use a condom.
Suppose a kid uses their condom. Do they come back to us for more? They would be admitting they did something we specifically told them not to do. If they do, are we going to punish them for disobeying us? That would discourage them from acquiring more condoms, leading to more unprotected sex. If we don't punish and give them more condoms, we're giving up on the "don't do it" message.
95% for AIDS? That's a very optimistic study. It's not that I don't think condoms shouldn't be used if sex is being had. It's just that I would prefer to teach you the skills to stay away from sex because the dangers far outweigh the pleasures. Far outweigh. I want to stop premarital sex. If I don't stop it, I want to delay it so that, starting at a later age, they will not have multiple partners and reduce their risks of getting stds. I don't think my message is mixed. It involves information and statistics. It gives the kids a basis for their informed decision. It gives them a starting point for questions and closer study. Yes, I would like to see 98% less abortions. yes, I would like to see 86% less AIDS. But it's going to take a lot more than handing out condoms. It's going to take giving the kids the ability to understand exactly what they are doing and what it means. Anyone who would use a condom would have used it anyway. Anyone who would not use a condom wouldn't use it if the world gave it away for free. I know that frequent commercials about condoms increased the number of condoms sold. What would happen if the truth of stds and youth pregnancy were given as incessantly as they play the "Wrap It Up" commercials? Yes, the people who would ignore it would continue to ignore it, but those who didn't know would have even more reason not to fall into the pressure because the risks far outweigh the pleasure.
Just a thought...
If you teach ALL youth that sex before marriage is just as unacceptable as drunk driving and just as irresponsible as playing with handguns, AND not offer them a drink and a bullet... or even a handgun safety course... they are more likely to take what is being said seriously. Children as old as four and five will see the flaws in contradictory speech and actions, how much more a teenager that has these stirring emotions swaying him/her one way. If I had a drinking problem... because thats never happened... and I wanted to drink and drive and someone said "don't do that" while handing me my keys, I think I wouldn't take them too seriously. A better idea is to remove the options... make condoms less available, and provide alternative ways of spending time. If you create proper and safe environments and education without contradiction it will not take long for todays youth to catch on. We should stop underestimating the young people. They can and will do anything they set their minds to, as long as you tell them that they can and help them set their minds with information provided with relatively blunt honesty and provable factual statistics. You can usually trace a particularly stupid group of people to a particularly stupid group of parents. If we don't do anything about this, then we as a generation are the stupid parents. Don't think I am kidding myself, it will sometimes happen anyway , but right now we aren't helping very many kids while complaining that not all of them are responing. Lets try a different focus. If you educate all instead of few, perhaps we can make abstinence the rule and sex before marriage the exception.
Last note. I challenge you to find any youth and tell them they can't or won't make a logical and informed decision. See how fast the fire lights inside. "They tell me you are too weak to..." can be a driving motivator... and if then you hand these kids the tools to prove their critics wrong the response will be overwhelming. Unless you literally tuck the easy option in their wallets for them at the same time.
Rant complete.
Good, interesting rant.
Thanks... a little odd coming from me perhaps, but heartfelt.
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