Saving My Life

I recently went to an event at the local college where Chris Offutt talked to us, ostensibly to talk about writing for television (HBO in particular), but really about how little he knew about writing for television (this was his first foray into that world). He learned how episodes were outlined on the board, learned how the writer's room worked and learned that if he asked for gatorade and chocolate, that it would magically appear the next day.

He was very entertaining. He'd written a few books, a couple of books of short stories, a novel and a memoir. I bought a book of short stories called Kentucky Straight and had him sign it. He wrote "To a fellow writer - keep writing. Writing will save your life and keep you sane." When I first read it, I almost laughed. Writing is driving me crazy. All the things I want to say, I can't articulate with my fingers. If it came down to it, my thoughts and ideas would disappear into the ether rather than reveal themselves for immortality on paper. But the very next second, I knew he was right. I thought about my blogs and how they have been my glue. Even if I couldn't write a short story or a spec script to save my life, I could always come here or to my previous incarnations and talk about it. I could talk about the crazy things happening and sometimes, even make fun of myself when in real life, that was very hard to do.

Saving my life... that's something I would never had said about writing before, but in a way, every thing in my life has been processed through writing. I was first and foremost a journaler. I wrote about the things going on just to gain some sort of insight into myself. It never came right away, but it did come as I re-read my journals from years ago, the juvenile things that happened even after I'd long aged to maturity, the hopes and dreams I had that I didn't think would be realized, but have. The friends I've lost are forever captured between those pages, recalling times that I want to say were better but which I know for a fact were not.

Now, if only I could talk to people without putting my foot in my mouth or making them feel dumb (which, to those of you who know me is completely unintentional - I promise!), maybe I will feel like I'm getting somewhere.