Have you ever had a day where from the moment your feet hit the floor, it's like you're running? The first song on my iPod was by
Then I heard a song from a friend called Crisis of Faith (Part 1) and it made me want to drive fast.
Driving fast and tired do not a good combination make.
Tonight, something made me think about feeling connected to others, letting my mask slip a little and just putting myself out there. I got an email from a friend about being a different person now than in the past. It included a picture of myself I thought had vanished with the time. But it is still out there, floating around, a reminder of the once me, when I would willingly and without any sense of embarrassment call myself crazysexycool - as if I needed to speak it in one breath to make it real. And cool.
I'm not sure quite where to start. Do I start with the huge crush I have on Doctor Who - which is fantasy, or do I start with how my knee, which I hurt at the beginning of this month, still has not healed? Do I talk about how I look better in my jeans or how I keep looking at this story that's due last week and I can not for the life of me put the quotes in? Do I talk about how my hair is finally growing but I still might get braids, or do I talk about how hard it is to make myself put my kitchen in order. See, all these mundane, boring things that clog my mind when there are bigger things knocking around in there.
Like God and church and life and death and irrational fears and overwhelming love and finally letting go of the past. Of losing people so dear to you, you can't breath and like realizing that your friends, the one you truly love and care for, feel like half a world away.
Well, all maudlin aside, I hope it will be nice getting to know me again.
7 comments:
What, you're not going to share the picture of This CrazySexyCool Girl with your fans?
Anyway, once you've settled down and gotten married you're not crazy anymore and after a certain age it's not really possible to be cool, but one out of three ain't bad...
I will be cool until I die.
And no, no picture sharing will be going on because everyone who reads this site who needs to see it has already seen it and anyone I would show it to just has to email me to see it.
I thought we established it was Placebo who sang that song. I'll get you Dr. Who. No braids.
A re-inventing... or a re-discovering is often needed and always refreshing, even if it is not an ideal journey. I have come home too tired to take a shower before, and been very glad after bathing when I felt "new". Perhaps this is a strange comparison, but that is what was running through my tired mind at 2:20am...
or, evidently, 2:10am...
boy, Ben, you were really tired! Yeah, I think that is what I'm going through, although it is more like shedding... ooo, like when Aslan had to cut away the the skin of someone and it hurts and feels good at the same time.
Good point, though sometimes it's hard to arrive to definite conclusions
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