New Year's Eve

Last year, I got the Princess Diaries 2 as a Christmas gift. So I watched PD1 and PD2 yesterday... I made dinner for us (steak so we could taste the red wine someone gave us as a Christmas present) and watched the rest of PD2 afterwards. The Honey came into the room at the end of the film and saw me crying. Concerned, he rushes over. "What's wrong?" he asked. I paused and then said, "Clarisse isn't going to be queen anymore." He looked at me before starting to laugh. "I can't believe it."

The quote below from The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis (part of the Chronicles of Narnia) made me cry because sometimes I feel like that with God. When He makes Himself known through reading, or praying or such, all I can see are the things I didn't do for Him even though He asked it of me. You know, so relieved to hear from Him, yet so aware of your faults. Seeing change, knowing the old things have to go, the new things have to be put into place... it's very emotional. 25 hit me like a ton of bricks. It felt like one day, I was 19 and then suddenly, I was 25. Since then, I've felt myself getting older.

My main thoughts are about my job. I don't want to just work at a milk and cookie store for the rest of my life. Oh, I want to be a writer. Lately, I've been doing that work, although I don't get paid for it. When I go to work, the job I get paid for, I am tired, stressed, and brought to a bad mood by rude customers (then I become rude and make some nice customers feel bad). Some days are better when people I like come in. All in all I think about the fact that I don't like the job enough to make a career out of just being behind the counter. Yet management doesn't treat me like I'm going to be any more. Oh, I've been invited on trips and given a title of sorts, but we don't meet, there are no attempts to cultivate me for management, etc.

But no matter what my work day is like, at midnight, I am rejuvenated. 3 days a week, at midnight, I get together with a group of people and we work on our show. We have four scripts done, two semi done and two on the way. I love this time of the day. I love figuring out plot problems, solving them, making the scripts funnier. I love it all. THIS is what I want to do forever. I love my job most days, I just don't love the direction it seems to be going in. and unless I begin making money writing... So, what to do? I guess we'll both be finding out together.