Yesterday, I turned in three articles that was due to a local magazine. After struggling for nearly the entire day to write 3-600 word articles, I turned them in feeling I had done the worst writing job I'd ever done. I nearly got onto this blog and complain about how awful a writer I am despite the fact that people actually pay me to write and this morning, I got an email from the editor and she loved my articles. Based on her comments, I keep getting better.
I am astounded.
I am glad.
And I'm astounded again.
What is wrong with me? Are all writers crazy for real? I thought I was borderline normal... well, not normal in the normal sense of the word. I am a bit...something. Okay, so maybe something = crazy, but I never thought I was that something as a writer. Oh, maybe a bit self deprecating although "a bit" may be too soft.
Okay, so I am a stereotypical crazy writer.
I don't know what it is. It is like something in me tries hard to craft sentences (well maybe not here) yet when it's all said and done, I am hardly ever satisfied with the output. I was seriously depressed last night, thinking I would never be good enough to keep writing. Today, I am renewed as if last night never happened. I have to make a promise to myself to never write depressed. It might be worse than drunk dialing.
There is an enormous amount of self pity that exists in my depressed state after I create as I wait for my ideas to be consumed and applauded by the public... It's crazy to put so much of myself into something, even if it's just stating facts about a business, but in my way, and then put that bit of myself out there on display.
Which is blogging, I guess. I mean, I do write for an audience of at least 5. I think that a majority of them care deeply for me and want to know what's going on. Sometimes they want to know what I think. And this is my way of keeping them up. I would be lying if I said I didn't want others to catch the fever for the flavour of the writing of This Girl, but at the same time, I know that I am writing for me and for those 5.
I don't know how to say this, but I love you guys.
Now validate me!
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2 comments:
I love you too. I have always said that I enjoy reading what you write, and although I have never pretended that my opinion means anything in the world of writing, I think we both know that I think highly of my opinion. Hopefully I am well read enough to know very good when I see it. I stop at very good only because I have been told that I sometimes exhibit a "little" arrogance, and it would likely be arrogant to assume I know what qualifies as greatness.
That having been said, I think you are great!
You make me laugh. Yes, I do know that you think highly of your opinion. That fact notwithstanding, thank you for your more than kind words.
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