Prescient

The Honey and I have been looking for a church. We have no idea where to start. We go into it saying we aren't looking for a perfect church, but it feels like the things we are looking for we will never find. We left our old church, not out of dissatisfaction with anything in the church or with any of the people. We loved the church. We found that it was too far away to develop relationships. People enjoyed us being there, tears were shed when we announced our leaving, but we didn't know anyone above a superficial level despite going there for almost 2 years.

So, in a town with more churches per capita than any city in the US, why is it so hard to find a church that is right? We are visiting churches where we know noone, we are visiting churches where we know nearly everyone and we are not enjoying it. We almost left one service because my husband, who is the music nerd, could not stand the praise and worship. (This is a man who identified the notes that Batman played to get into the Batcave and also identified that the notes Christian Bale pressed were not the notes we heard.) We liked the sermon, but the people were cool (in the not cool way). Some people greeted us, but were unsure about how to "meet" us, get to know us, convince us that we were in the right place. What did we do though? Did we try to meet new people, find out what this place was all about? No. The general air was one of, "We got what we came from, now back to our regularly scheduled program."

It's something I've noticed and something I've seen in myself. Lately, I've had alot of time to think about me. Where I am going with my writing, who I am becoming as a Wife to The Honey, how I am growing older, how to be a good manager at the milk and cookie store, etc, I've had too much time centered on me. And really, I want to find a church that suits me, whether it suits anyone else. That's the first obstacle in our finding a good church. Every complaint I could have about the people of any church are the same complaints I could level at myself. It would be okay if I at least loved people, if I could find some part of me that could show compassion, if there were something in me that wanted to reach out to others. It's there, but it feels so small sometimes, I think, "why bother."

The second obstacle is time. 5 days a week, we get up at noon to get ready for our night jobs. We don't get to sleep until after 4am. Saturdays are the same, except for the working part. So when Sunday comes, how the heck are we going to get up to be at church by 10? That's another reason why we were having a hard time going to church 45 minutes away. The Honey was in the praise and worship band, so that meant practice at 9 before service at 10:30... you try getting up at 7 to leave at 8 and get there by 9 when you a) commonly get up at noon b)probably only got 2-3 hours of sleep.

It's very daunting to want so much to be a part of a church, a community, but to feel constantly so different from that community. I find myself having to hold my tongue because Christianity is so political now. The Christian powers that be have given us permission to decide we can tell whether someone is Christian or not and it is based solely on their beliefs and views, not on their heart. The only thing man can't judge is the only thing that is important.

I hope we find a church soon. Sometimes, though, I wonder why it's so important.